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  • Writer's pictureSparky

Exitium Sui - ''I am making this music for my soul''

“Exitium Sui is really the music that lives in me without paying any mind to what I want to say. It just sort of builds up and then erupts in an unstoppable and spontaneous manner. I've just learned over the years to just let it happen without a plan. Though I'm feeling the current quite strongly, there will likely be a lot of material spewed forth in the near future.

 Exitium Sui return after a hiatus with the incredible new release Endless. It is the creation of  E.S (Chris Gebauer) and over its 35 minutes it explores the depths of funeral expression and the never-ending suffering of pain and hatred. It is dense, inescapable, and relentless. A translation of its name Exitium Sui – Self Destruction

‘’The name refers to the process. It seems to be just a culmination of otherwise subdued emotions that I just can't hold back anymore. I'm usually in my studio for a maximum of three whole days and then I find myself with this musical mirror, severely depleted coffee rations, and I use this mirror to reflect on who/what I am and who I want to be.

‘’The project follows a trajectory of whatever I am feeling at the time. I am a mad funeral doom lover and have been for a very long time. There are elements of doom throughout most of Deadspace’s discography also, but this obsession with funeral is not really shared by all members. It simply comes to me without pushing and that is why this project is centered on it. I am making this music for my soul.

It is dense and all consuming. Something you visit as it is required?

‘’I think I approach Exitium Sui in the same way I approach my painting, which is why I am using my paintings for the artwork. I just embark on this open journey and things just evolve. I don't even know what I am doing, and often the monstrosity of it doesn't appear before me until it is finished.

How do you define Endless? Is it innumerable in its suffering and a never-ending cycle?

‘’I called the EP Endless for a few reasons. Firstly, it comes from a place of endless expressions and possibilities. I'm already working on a follow up. It simply doesn't end. Secondly, it is a reminder of this endless journey inside myself, something that I work on every day trying to improve upon my moral fabric. This is also the reason that I refuse to publish the lyrics for this EP. The result is that I have a work of audible soul for others to embrace, but there are some things said about myself that I wish to keep very private. The third reason is simply the building quality of the music. Each track builds into this massive, larger-than-life explosion of melody and emotion. There is no real structure except for elevation and continuation

It also features your own artwork. Is it the depiction of ageing through suffering?

‘’It actually started as a self-portrait that I subsequently aged considerably. I spent about 6 months on it using sandpaper and many layers. The man is on a journey, emerging from a fog and overshadowed by a massive mountain range. He is blind, which is a personal sentiment relating to me finding out some years ago that my type 1 diabetes is taking my eyes. He walks with the aid of a large stick, which for me, symbolizes my wife and her unrivaled support as I march into unknown opportunities. The piece is titled “Blind Migration,” named after my bold move to Europe with no vision. It stands at 130cm tall and 95cm wide so it's almost like a window you can walk into. The original will be on sale when I exhibit my work next year.

Is it a series of events where the chain can be broken? or is there literally ''No Escape"?

‘’The escape is improvement and in order to improve, milestones must be completed, and demons fought. There are no escaping demons, they follow you until you slay them.

How important is it to create something unique yet utterly uncompromising?

’It's the whole basis of this project. I refuse to work in a conventional way. No compromises have ever, and will ever be made with Exitium Sui, and with that I am absolutely willing to be ignored.

Was it intentional to make it as bleak and dark as possible?

‘’Not at all. There is plenty of light there, you just need to find it.

Does it come from a continual well spring of inspiration? and are those personal releases or a reflection of the environment around you?

‘’I'm a very observant person and I feel the suffering of people around me. I think it comes from a place where I know that I cannot even begin to fix what I see around me, so I figure that if I write music to fix myself, it may aid others in doing the same. It's also why all my work is digitally up for ‘name your price’. There are a lot of people in less fortunate financial places that deserve to seek that healing and that's what I aim to do.

Where does an idea like treading on the bones of Loneliness come from? And is it the heaviest thing you have written.

‘’I'm not sure if it's the heaviest thing I've ever written. That is something you would have to tell me. Musically, I wanted to let my insides come out and envelop me. I feel like I succeeded in that. I write visually, so when I made that song, I was an emaciated and withered man traversing a sea of bones with nobody around to help me. The visual is still in my head. I was carrying something in a bag, I believe it was the skulls of loved ones, towards somewhere unknown.

Will Exitium Sui continue in the future? or is the Denouement complete?

‘’There is a lot more to come. I actually recorded a 6th track for this EP that I'm saving for a physical print version. I already have the presets sorted for the next album and I feel like it will come soon.

It has been a very productive year for you creatively with all your projects   what does 2024 bring?

‘’Will moving home to Australia is going to be a bitch of a mission so that's step one. When I get back on my feet, Deadspace is working on a new record, the Humanitas Error Est album will be brought to completion, and definitely some more Exitium. Australian shows are on the horizon for Deadspace, European tour dates are a possibility for Humanitas Error Est. You never know, I may even get a band together for a one-off ES show in Perth.

Final thoughts?

‘’If you made it through my rambling and you're still awake, you definitely have the patience for funeral doom. So, feel free to check out my stuff, it won't cost you a cent unless you want to donate to the cause. Whether you pay or download for free, your support is always appreciated. Thanks again Mark. It's always a pleasure to chat to you about music and more.

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